There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
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His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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