Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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