The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
