you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I need a beard to bite.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
