will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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