The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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