told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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