I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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