I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
