theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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