I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
