White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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