I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
