Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
