White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
