I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
