So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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