He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
