I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
