I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
