It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
