i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im part way to drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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