I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
