Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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