Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
