after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
