just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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