Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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