I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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