and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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