I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
