My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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