Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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