it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
