I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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