she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
