a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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