Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
