youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
