We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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