just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
