ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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