Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
