you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
