You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
