yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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