Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
