You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I touched a dick in church today
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize