this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
