Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
