no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
