Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
