Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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