But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
