Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
no, he came in my armpit
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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