I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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