It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?