last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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