he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm