She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
