Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
