this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
