it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
