Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
