i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
