Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
