I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize