areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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