Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
