The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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