WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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