She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
