in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
