a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
