Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
