you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
