just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize