Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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